First Day of School

This morning Grace came skipping down the stairs with a smile on her face ordering us to "get movin".  Today was the big day, and she was ready.



There were lots of "don't forgets" and "Mom did you remember"s.  And of course, there was the checking and rechecking of the beloved backpack.



There were a lot of hugs and snuggles between brother and sister.  If there is one thing that I don't think either of them are ready for it's being apart from each other.  Grace can't fathom that life would go on at home without her ("what, you're going to the park without me?!") and Jackson just keeps wondering who he will play with.



And I'm not sure Ryan and I were quite ready either.  Although what parent is I guess.  Before having children that is one thing I never could have anticipated- the continuous episodes of grief that occur as you practice letting go of one form of your child and moving on to the next. The days of Grace being home all day are over.  The always underfoot, busy, adventurous, challenging and delicious moments that encompass life at home with Grace- done.  Well save for summer and weekends I guess.  We have officially moved on to the school days of life.



Thankfully, Grace's school mark's this monumental milestone with a very special "rainbow bridge ceremony" where each first grader is guided into their new year by crossing the bridge, greeting their teacher and receiving a rose.  It was very, very beautiful.  But maybe the most significant moment for me was when all the children had crossed the bridge and were being escorted to their class.  As she passed by, Grace made eye contact with me and we connected on this level I'm not sure I could put into words (she's done this a handful of times with me beginning when she was a baby).  It was partly as though we were acknowledging what was happening- that a phase of our lives together was ending- and also that this new phase was sad and exciting all wrapped into one.  Like I said, I guess I can't really put it into words.



So, the ceremony ended and the four of us non-first-graders piled into the van, the ride home a little quieter then the ride there.  And soon I found myself sitting on the deck with Jackson and Nora eating pumpkin muffins (and leaves) and feeling grateful for this new phase of my life, and all the "home" time I have left with these two.

And so it goes.