Life and death. It has suddenly woven it's way into Grace's foremost thoughts and questions. It started last week when we finished Charlotte's Web. She cried hysterically, pausing only long enough to ask questions that I could hardly answer... "Are we going to go to heaven?", "When are we going?", "Who will be there?", "Can we bring our house?". The thought of us leaving here to "go" somewhere else was so confusing for her. I muddled through it somehow, trying my best to answer her in language a four year old could understand (and not find terrifying). Mostly I held her and just allowed her to grieve this new concept- that none of us live forever.
Last night it became more personal as her and Ryan were talking about Simon and he admitted that Simon may have died. Again she was a sobbing mess. I was at class when this happened but Ryan found himself in the same place I had been in, struggling to help her understand this most difficult concept.
So this was the focus of my meditation last night. How to gently explain to my beloved daughter that this life we live is only temporary.
I awoke in the middle of the night last night to Grace whispering to me, "Mom, are the dinosaurs up in heaven?"
"Yes, I suppose they are", I said.
"Will they try and eat us when we go there?"
"No, for sure not. Everyone loves each other in heaven."
Oh the innocence. How I wish I could bottle it up and save it forever. Perhaps death is not something I can explain to Grace, but something she will come to understand slowly, with time and experience. Perhaps the quest for understanding never really ends... I know I am still on it.
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