life is but a dream

Approximately 789 times a day I think of this space.  I compose posts in my head pertaining to one moment or another.  High moments- today, carrying Iyla around in the sling, finally tired out of crying, she suddenly got really quiet, looked up right into my eyes, and smiled, over and over.  Low moments- today carrying Iyla around trying hard to keep her happy or asleep, but being unsuccessful at neither (aside from the sling moment above and our bath).  The moments come and go so quickly and vary so drastically.  Completely exhausted I carve out an hour and a half to nap with Iyla on my chest- sweet bliss.  Completely exhausted I try and pull off the same stunt a day later only to repeatedly have her wake up, again and again after I lay down- nap not happening, continuing on with my day as is, half asleep.


{6 days old}

Overall- I'd say life with baby number four has been the easiest transition for me.  But I think it has less to do with the number and more to do with the ages of my older kids.  They are the best helpers and so completely in love with their little sister.


{4 days old}


{7 days old}


{9 days old}

That being said it of course is a transition and with that comes moments of being overwhelmed and discouraged.  The hardest times are when I decide I'm going to do something.  You know, like make a plan.  This post for example.  I'm going to finish writing my blog post today is just the sort of thing that invites the universe to say, errr, okay we will just see about that.  Then the universe has a good laugh at me as everything one can and can't imagine intervines in my plan.  For example within the last hour of writing this (which by the way, this blog post has taken two days so far), Iyla has woken up and needed rocking back to sleep (make that twice), there have been three fights between the bigger kids, the Fedex guy delivered a package, two children wondered in the kitchen claiming they were hungry (and then proceeded to eat chips loud enough to wake Iyla who is asleep on another floor), the laundry had to be put in the dryer, the dishwasher needed to be started, and right now there is a new mess in the living room that I'm going to have to direct someone to clean up.  Oh also, I just yelled for the 11th time to pleeeeease walk with quiet feet.





So I am forced to let go, again and again and again.  Let go of plans and ideas about how things will go.  How life will go from moment to moment.  In the mean time, life does keep going.  Moments keep happening.  And if I don't let go of how I think it's suppose to go, I miss the ones that I'm actually in.


{Nora, studying butterflies in the garden}


{Jackson about to eat one of the mini quiches he made us all for lunch}


{apple picking}


{Grace, rocking Iyla to sleep}


{Nora on the tree swing}


{her hand on mine...}


{laundry- family of 6. also can you find Iyla?}

There are so many things I want to post that I'm behind on.  Apple picking, Halloween, homeschooling.  I hope I actually do.  But in the mean time I'm trying my best to live into these moments.

Current moment, happening as I type- fort building...