Better?

Today was a good day. It was not without it's moments, but overall it was really good. And so I'm going to celebrate that (and by celebrate I mean bake a half batch of oatmeal cookies and eat them... all). Something that is interesting... last night Ryan and I were talking about Grace and he said something rather insightful, "I've noticed every time you talk to Jackson in that baby sort of voice Grace just stares at you. I feel like she wants you to be like that with her." That made sense to me, I'm sure that voice I use with Jackson sounds much more loving then just the everyday voice that I use when talking to her. As I continued to ponder his words, I looked down at the book I was reading to find the author offering almost the same advice... play "baby" with your child. This is something Grace and I have done before but not quite with this intent. The idea is to play and be silly, but secretly you are also helping her to meet a need. By talking to her in that baby voice, and treating her like a baby, she is getting attention she feels she is missing. Well being someone who can't ignore signs, I thought I needed to give this a try. So today during Jackson's nap we played baby and she loved it. She loved it so much she wanted to play it several more times throughout the day. And I have to say, her behavior today was so much better. It could be a coincidence I know, but as someone who believes in play therapy (and wants to learn it someday) I think this playing was really therapeutic for her. Time will tell I guess.

Delicious

Grace and I made muffins today during Jackson's nap. Cinnamon Blueberry. Scrumptious. Very easy too. From the book "The Great Big Cookie Book".
1 cup flour
1 tbsp baking powder
pinch of salt
1/2 cup light brown sugar (I used half dark brown and half white)
1 egg
3/4 cup milk
3 tbsp veg. oil
2 tsp cinnamon
1 cup fresh blueberries

Mix everything together except the blueberries. Once batter is smooth fold in blueberries. Bake for 25 minutes at 375. Makes 8-10 muffins.

Where I've been

There are so many excuses I could give as to why it's been so long since I've visited this little space of mine...

1. Had to write an 8 page paper
2. Went out of town
3. Had to go take the written drivers license test (mine was expired)
4. Got an oil change
5. Went on a date (dinner, wine and a movie...what could be better)!
6. Worked on Grace's quilt

I could go on. But perhaps the biggest reason I haven't been here doesn't have so much to do with what I've been doing, as much as how I've been feeling. A certain three year old has really been keeping me on my toes lately, and I must admit, I really just want to sit down. I think I mentioned in my last post that she's been having a hard time again with behavior relating to Jackson, and unfortunately, it hasn't stopped. I'm not the type of person who needs everything to be perfect, nor am I the type to beat myself up over parenting mistakes (and believe you me, there have been many over the last few weeks), but I am a fixer. I am the type that has a "if it's not working for you, change it" type attitude. So I think that the fact that I don't know how to help her through this is really hard and discouraging for me.

But... after some encouraging words from a dear friend tonight, I'm feeling a little better (she said some of the nicest things about the kind of mother I am, and although as of late I don't necessarily feel worthy of this praise, it nonetheless made my heart swell- just the encouragement I needed to keep my chin up). And after a deep breath, I realized, this is just going to take some time, but that doesn't mean nothing is happening. Grace and I are both learning here, and learning doesn't happen overnight. So I'll continue to read my books (especially the three above, they have been especially insightful), and try my hardest to actually put these things into practice. And I'll continue to try and stay positive. And patient... with myself and Grace.

And when that doesn't work I'll remember that tomorrow is another day.

Girls Day

Saturday Grace and I had a girls day out together and it was so delightful! We started out by going to this wonderful tea room called Aprille Showers for tea and a homemade scone, delicious! Then we went to the bookstore and read and read and read. We left with this blank book that we later started to write a story in. Well I should say that she wrote. I just put the words on paper. Anyway, after the bookstore we went out to lunch at the "deli" her favorite place to eat out at. It's just this little deli at the co-op we go to that we love. So much fun!

Then tonight the two of us took a bath together in the big claw foot tub. This is such a relaxing way to spend time together, it was a great way to end our weekend. Grace had kind of a difficult week (she's having a hard time with Jackson again) and we definately saw more of that this weekend. But I'm trying to stay positive with her and focus on the good moments. Hard at times, but tonight I'll be thankful for our day out and the tub.

Homework

Here it is, my painting. This is the first in a series I'm going to paint. This one is about motherhood and how it changed me, and how I learned to find value in the everyday tasks of being a homemaker (well on the good days anyway). It's also about the feminine spirit, and how I have come to nurture that in myself. It was very gratifying to make, many layers and layers of paint and collage. That's me in the middle.

The rest in the series will have to wait though. I started working on Grace's quilt again today and I decided I really need to finish that. Okay just writing that there made me take a sudden appreciation in the fact that I have time to do these things right now in my life. All too soon I'll be finished with school and moving back into the working world. Of course that has it's own appeal to it, but for now I'll just enjoy having time to create.

Art

Grace and I have been enjoying some time together in our new art room. Painting, making treasure boxes, and today, collaging. This time has been so good for us to connect, for some reason we have been off over the last few days. And Grace has thoroughly enjoyed creating on a regular basis.

Tomorrow I will post what I've been working on when every one's in bed. For class we had to spend seven days doing art of some kind for an hour a day. It was my favorite assignment I've ever had, and I definately spent more then an hour a day on it. Today is my last day to work on it before class tonight. Can't wait to finish it!

I'm still trying to decide what color (or colors) to paint this room. It needs to be something that inspires and stimulates me. I guess something will come over time. For now I'm just glad to have this space.

Perfect Day

I always love Sundays because they remind me to slow down a little. And today was just one of those ones that I don't want to forget. I had the opportunity to paint for an hour while Jackson slept and the sounds of Ryan and Grace laughing trailed upstairs. Ryan spent some time chopping wood (for our new wood-burning stove!!) and then Grace went out with him leaving me inside to spend some quality one on one time with Jackson. He is just starting to crawl and it is so much fun to watch. Then both of the kids went down for naps while the two of us got to just hang out and relax- kid free. And this evening there was a living room picnic for dinner... and then I noticed the beautiful blue early night sky and had to go take a few pictures. The color didn't last long before the darkness completely took over but it was so pretty. A perfect ending to a perfect day.